Missed Connections

Editor’s Note: Check this beautiful Post Secret out – I had to share my thoughts again about the CL Missed Connections: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/TNCHIMEqxvI/AAAAAAAANZY/A7eSQ6RQqoA/s1600/NOV11.jpg

I can’t be the only one, can I? Walking on tippy toes through the Craigslist personals, namely the missed connections ads? Sure, I browse through the swarm and the muck in the w4m, w4w, m4w, and m4m, casual encounters, strictly platonic (yeah, right), but not nearly as much as the missed connections. I think they’re simply perfect illustrations of the raw underbellies of our attractions to one another. Sometimes they’re beautiful, simple, with little flirty double entendres:

“We’ve seen each other walking our dogs, and I just wanted you to know that your dog is adorable, but you make me weak in the knees you are so gorgeous. Quite a pair!” m4w

Usually they’re hopeful, quirky, with bits of personality thrown in:

“we were looking at movies in the kenwood half price books around 7pm thurs aug 5.
you got some classics… i got some trashy stuff
you were about my age, height, weight… white pants, grey shirt.
thought you might want to talk more… maybe watch a movie.
tell me what i was wearing so i know its really you… ” m4m

Some make me want to lock my doors at night, double bolted, and position a slobbering rottweiler as  sentinel to protect the exuberant crazies from barging in:

“To the beautiful woman who was breastfeeding her infant when I came by.
I would love to suckle from your breasts, taking the pressure off when your baby falls asleep
before fully draining your breasts. This is something I have always dreamed of doing.
If you are that wonderful woman, tell me what I came to your house for, so I know it is you. ” – m4w


At least ONE other person has the obsession that I do; Illustrator Sophie Blackall has created a mini-empire sketching out her favorites from all of the New York boroughs’ Craigslists on her whimsical Missed Connections NY blog. My love is quite a bit less organized and lofty, I simply read them when I’m feeling blue, or bored, or need character inspiration for my prose. At lot of these would-be lovers meet (or lust from three feet away) at bookstores, which exemplifies my argument that e-books, Kindle, Nook, et. all are a sad indicator of where our society just might be headed. No one meets their future life partner or has just one night of really mind-shattering sex while alone, downloading Eat, Pray, Love onto their I-Pad.

” I noticed you reading Blink (great book) and I also noticed how beautiful you were. I would love to read with you. Say Hello. ” m4w

Please note that it doesn’t say “noticed you staring at a blue screen at tiny letters on a grotesque plastic machine that will eventually fill up a landfill”.

To keep myself honest, and in check, and fully divulged to my selected circle: I will admit that I look for myself all over the missed connections ads. A tiny fragment of me crosses her fingers and shuts her eyes in hopes that maybe someone noticed me and that maybe just the site of me shook the foundation of their humdrum day. Never mind that I’m married; it’s not about that. I don’t want to respond to any ads that might be intended for me, nor am I interested in leaving my husband for some man or woman who has noticed that I was reading Girl, Interrupted and biting my lip in the park today. I think we all just want to be loved, by as many souls as possible.
I just really love the humanity of the ads, the honesty, the raw emotion, the thinly veiled desperation. I love when they’re sweet and I love when they’re dirty:

“u started working a lil over a week ago and i want u i give u ur lunch break and im a shoe whore id really like to show u my talent lick lick” w4w

Can’t you just see her rushing home, in some mile-high cheetah print pumps, to post the ad in secret as her husband asks if dinner is ready and her children smack one another with foam swords? I love the implied worlds and stories hiding behind the ads. The secret desires confessed.

Some are full of gratitude for those who make us feel good, from those of us who might be too shy or caught off guard to show our thanks quickly enough:

“I was in the booth next to you. You walked over and asked me if anyone had ever told me how adorable I was. My response was no, they hadn’t. You made my night, thank you. I mean that.” w4w

I want to meet those who write them and those who respond to them. To those who think they might see themselves in other’s wishes and romantic dreams. I’d love to gather them up in a room and commend them for their secret bravery, for their candor, for their assistance in spreading love around the world in small ways.

To be sure, some critics might feel that these authors of curiosity and desperate hope are cowards. That they’re copping out, that they should have proclaimed their feelings on the spot. This could be, but they’re taking a step into the amazing by taking a chance, even if it is a virtual one.

We exchanged a few glances. Your smile made me smile more than a couple of times.
Let’s repeat the experience but lets sit at the same table next time. I’ll buy the first round.
Where were we? ” m4m

“Make me a part of your secret life. I have so much I want to share with you. I could see the burning questions in your face last week. I was too shy to ask you what it was. You are beautiful in mind and in body. I’m here now, as balanced as I can be. You know where I am. Find me. I want to find you. ” m4w

These are our hidden hearts. These are our mons seul desir. These are our beacons into the dark night of loneliness to something true. And this is why I love the Craigslist missed connections.

*all ads pulled from the Anchorage, Dayton, Cincinnati, and Minneapolis Craigslist.


4 thoughts on “Missed Connections

  1. Do you even know how wonderful you are? As a writer… as a person? This is your calling.

  2. I never even knew that Craigslist’s missed connections even existed! Great… now I’m definitely going to get behind on my schoolwork. Also, I agree with Gary… this is your calling. You are an incredible writer and I am so blessed to know you. xoxo

"... all my lovers were there with me, all my past and futures."

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