an imaginary conversation between mother and son (it’s late, am bored)

“Hm. Nah…I don’t want you to take guitar lessons.”

“Whaaaaat? Why not? It’s – you love music, and you made me take violin when I was four… What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that I don’t want you to be brilliant and die. I want you to be boring and live forever.”

“Mom, what the fuh–”

“HEY! Watch your language!”

(sighs, quieter now) “Mom. Seriously. Why do you think I’ll die if I play guitar? Is it the money? I can affor-”

“Twenty-seven.”

“Twenty-seven? Are you mental? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“All the brilliant ones die at twenty-seven. Or they get too skinny or have their features chiseled away with botox and everyone feels sorry for them. No. Take the piano instead. Piano players don’t die young, guitar players do.”

“No, but piano players are boring. Look at Billy Joel. AND I don’t like the way they hop around on their benches with their butts, it’s creepy. Plus, mom listen, you know not all brilliant guitar players die –  what about Jimmy Page? He didn’t die, he still plays, he’s-”

“Yes, but he has that inappropriate obsession with Alastair Crowley. Only eighth grade boys have obsessions with Alastair Crowley. Why don’t you play piano. Billy Joel isn’t boring, he’s just old now and everyone’s heard all of his songs a thousand times. What about drums?  What’s that face for? Drummers are cool, and they only lose limbs, not lives. That that Def Leppard fellow…”

Def Leppard fellow? What IS this conversation? Jesus, mom! Whoops – SORRY! It just slipped out! I didn’t say the “f” word or whatever. What’s your deal about the guitar?  Your boyfriend Jack White that you moon over all the time  isn’t dead and he’s a fuh, sorry, fracking genius.”

“Fracking? ….well, give him time. I’ve heard he’s into taxidermy and that’s just the beginning. Next thing you know he’ll be living in Dr. Kevorkian’s childhood home or giving himself a glycolic acid peel or something. Pick something else.”

(semi-related/new fascination)

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"... all my lovers were there with me, all my past and futures."

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